a sunday stroll on tuesday.

i've given all that i can,
yet i'm still sinking.
i wanna lose myself in your love.

it's a bit of a whirlwind of emotion here,
but alas, life goes on. there is sheer chaos in the souls of those who have called Gettysburg home and have committed themselves to following Jesus in these days. it seems a little crazy, it all seems uncertain, it all seems so confusing and so unpeaceful. life seems to have decided to cover over our head as we slept one night leaving us struggling to rise above. but somehow i have an internal excitement that is overwhelming and beautiful. all my choices these days don't feel as bad and scary as before, for i have no longer allowed satan to set my path where to go. i feel like maybe i have been given the chance to walk this one out a little more lonely this stroll around the park. maybe without the distraction of conversation with anyone other than my creator, it's allowing me to stop and see the beauty in everything.
"cause i am, captivated by you
just so you know that, i am captivated"
see this lap around the park i am seeing everything differently. like have you ever noticed the way he allows life to come together in all the smallest of ways, like had not one person left, one other would not be. had not one dream been created, the vision of many would never have come to be. had not one person been asked, others wouldnt have been able to learn to share. it's all so beautiful when you stop to think and let it all work itself out on its own.
here i sit, alone in a room with nothing but my computer and some half eaten toast, and i have never been more satisfied. never has my life been evermore beautiful here in the silence and soothing of the Holy Spirit to my hurting, scared soul. i always seemed to look around the corner, looking for the next aspect of my love with my Maker. wandering, asking, searching for what it's supposed to look like. and now, i found it all on my own, in a place i would normally lose my peace, lose my joy, lose any sense of excitement.
how grateful i am for a simple sunday stroll on tuesday.

chin up, sweetheart.

call it annoying,
i call it lovely.
call it hard to work with,
i call it worth the time.
call it insecure,
i call it learning.
call it needy,
i call it longing to know.
call it difficult,
i call it something to work for.
shake your head,
i find it beautiful.

sometimes i just feel beat down, not enough, less than desired. almost as if i have nothing give, nothing but a tired smile and a old news kind of personality. but im not. this is not who i am and is less than i deserve.

chin up, sweetheart. in you i love perfectly, in you i find all i could desire. wait patiently, you will know. you are like a flower in a field of many, yet i have chosen you as my prize. and you alone i find pleasing. there will never be another i love as i love you, never be another i take joy in as i find pleasure in you. altogether pleasing are you, no more, no less, just you.