continually captivated.

did you ever think about the fact that we dream and wish for our deepest dreams and greatest desires and we are constantly disappointed, like it just never seems to happen. i was talking with someone the other day, about the fact that i've come to terms with the fact that unlike the movies say, no man that will love me, will ever be obsessed with me or captivated with me to the point that he will never be able to take his eyes off me at any given moment. that he will lay awake most nights, unable to sleep thinking he is not by my side. that i alone steal his heart to make him want the company of no other, like all our movies and books teach us. i finally have realized that. and then i was listening to a song called "hazy" by rosi golan and there is a part where a man is singing to her about watching her sleep and in an instant i thought back, as almost having watched myself from above as i slept, i thought of Jesus watching me.
see i often forget my first love, and how this love, although not tangiable, is in love with me the way i have dreamnt of my whole entire life. its beautiful. that when i come to him with thoughts and dreams, He wont brush me off as talking too much, when i ride with the windows down and the warm sun rays dance across my skin, He finds me more radiant than even the sun light surrounding me. when i look up swinging in the breeze of a beautiful spring, He then is enchanted, delighted, struck with desire to know me, be near me, touch my skin, feel my breath, hear my simple whisper of song, smell the scent of my lightly curled hair as it whisps back and forth against my lightly freckled skin.
how could i have ever forgot that there was one who saw the littlest tinest details about me and was continually captivated. how could i have accidently missed that as i look myself in the mirror, finding every microscopic flaw, he is there, arms wraped tightly, breathing me in, whispering out the scent with a timeless love, a sweet nothing for me to remember for always, knowing He could never find another as beautiful, as flawless, as lovely as me. that when i twirl, with a wish for a glance, he is there clapping as i spin, catching me as i fall into a dizzy disarray of colors and beauty. he finds me his classic beauty, his one and only, his princess who needs rescuing only by him. its beautiful

"but if i fall and hurt myself
would you know how to fix me
but if i went and lost myself
would you know where to find me
if i forgot who i am
would you please remind me
because without you things go hazy."

i am in love, a glorious golden love.
without the one i love, who is taken by me, the life i lead is a little less clear,
"because without you things go hazy"